You’re Sick!  Each and Every One of You!– May 16^th Game

JJ and Renee walk into a marriage counselor's office.

"Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Lux.  I'm Dr. Bob.  What can I do for you?"

"Well, Dr. Bob.  We're having some problems, and it's affecting our marriage."

"I see.  What kind of problems?"

"It's a little embarrassing..."

"Don’t worry.  I've been counseling for 20 years now.  I've heard everything."

"Well, ok.  It's softball.  We play on a team together.  She’s in right field, and I’m in right center, and we keeping fighting over the ball."

"Yeah.  He runs over and pushes me out of the way and takes my catches, even when I call him off.  he won't let me throw to the cutoff."

"Honey, we discussed that.  You throw like a girl."

"Don't 'honey' me, JJ.  You throw like a girl too."

"Hold on for a second.  You guys are really arguing over softball the sport?  This isn't a euphemism for sex?"

"Of course not, Doc.  We're the kinkiest rabbits you'll ever meet.  This is serious."

"Wow.  Now, I have heard everything.  JJ, can Renee catch the ball?"

"Well, yeah."

"Can she throw the ball?"

"Yes, but.."

"Then, I have the solution.  JJ, give Renee the ball when she waves you off, but be there for her to give her love and support and so you can dive for it if she bobbles it.  Renee, if JJ gets in front of you, pinch that cute ass so he gets out of the way."

"You know, doc.  You're right.  I love you, Snookums."

"I love you too, you big stud"

"Thanks, Doc.  But wait, you said you give sex advice too?  Well, I keep pulling my hamstring every time we use the tire swing..."

The B61 Lineup, sponsored by Alma Restaurant

·         “Midlife Crisis” Steve in left field

·         "What does this big red self-destruct button do?" Czar

·         “I hit ‘em between the legs” Henry

·         "It burns when I pee" Jamie

·         "Will pitch for x-rays" Matt

·         “I like to show my” Willie.  “Is that wrong?”

·         "All You Need Is Love" Betsy

·         “Putting the 'fear of g-d' in girls since 1985” Capon-e

·         "Can you imagine " Amy " with a Napoleon complex?"  Pretty funny

·         “Wanna see my scars?” Johanna

·         “the man who would be ape” Adam

Holding AA meetings in the outfield:

o        JJ Oedipus Lux

o        "I dream of cigars" Renee

o        "The many faces of" Steve Creighton

o        “My back just went eerr” Alyce

·         Our support network: Rachel, Cooper, Kate, "I want to throw up, but I'm here" Tamara, "Huh, it hurts when I pee too" Sam, Jackie, Roblums, "I've got playing time envy" Jason

The Game

Our game this day was against BNS, led by Jake, the psych 101 case for anger management.  Surprisingly, the Zantax™ seemed to be working because he was remarkably quiet throughout the game.

Well, if you classify Steve's pep talks as sort an Episcopalian-lite "Play nicely with others, and people like you," Capone's would be compared to the fire and brimstone catholic espresso version.  "These guys are incarnations of the devil.  They are our nemeses.  Beat them or rot in hell.  Forever.  By the way, I have to leave now for a date."  Makes you wonder what dark stories of being a choir boy lay buried in his psyche.  Steve balanced it with his, "I remember in my glory days when we beat these guys.  Think it was the summer of 72.  Adam that young whippersnapper pitched and Tamara scored the winning run while holding her diapers.  Make me feel young again.  Has everyone seen my new Porsche?  Chicks dig it."

Fortunately, the old timer's bat still worked as Rhino started with a single.  Henry followed with a triple that again went through the fielder's legs.  Jamie cleaned up with a long ball deep into left field. 3-0. 

We all know that I've been a head case in need of a shrink.  Unfortunately, nobody has unlocked the secret why I walked the first 3 batters to load the bases with no outs.  Jamie sent me out to right center to talk to my demons, and brought in Matt who sorely needs medical treatment for his broken thumb/hand/arm.

Matt and the defense step up, and we reach the 2nd inning tied.  It's essentially a whole new game of 0-0.

Matt leads off with a line drive to left field.  Alyce comes off the disabled list to follow him, running out a foul ball to Betsy's cheers of "Run it out, run it out, run back.  Now for real."  Unfortunately, all that running put her right back into traction.  So, we hooked up a beer IV and put her back on the bench.  Smart base running by rhino off a grounder by Oh Henry with an overthow brought him across home plate to make it 4-3.

Meatball ("He kinda looks like a meatball.") started BNS off with a double.  I think he thought BGs needed a group hug as he wrapped his arms around her at 2nd.  "Eew. I was just wondering when he was getting off me??"  Jamie made a great catch and a throw to catch the runner off 1st for a double play.  Willie made another running catch to end the inning but not before it was 4-6.

At the top of the 4th, we switched it up with Amy being replaced by the gall bladder kid and Whippit by the man who thinks he's an ape.  Meanwhile, Roblums is talking to himself in the dugout, "Timeout, ump.  I need a gatorade.  I will not proceed until I have my lemon-lime.  Thank you."

And that was it.  A couple more inning, including a long 7th inning of fielding practice, and it was over.  So it goes. 

Memorable Moments 

·         Teasing the other team at the drinking fountain, "no, he has a coxacky." ??  (not my note)

·         BNS taking the ringer woman who was supposed to play for magnetic fields

·         "Cooper, who's your favorite player?"  "Dad"

·         "Ain't nothing but a chicken wing."

Player of the Game

Player of the game goes to Willie.  Once again, he showed that he can make it back to short center to make those sprinting catches, and he had that great double play of tagging 2nd with a grounder and making the throw to Henry at 1st.  His fielding is getting better and better, and we could use some B61 defense.

Commentary

I got nothing for ya.  We're all nuts.  What can I say?  I can't have good writeups all the time.

You can read the writeups at www.redhooksoftball.com/b61/ or through the B61 softball blog at www.blogger.com.