Tale of Two Teams – May 23rd Game

It was the best of teams, it was the worst of teams, it was the age of wise guys, it was the age of fools, it was the epoch of B61, it was the epoch of Anchors, it was the season of Lighted fields, it was the season of Dark clouds, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way—in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

The B61 Lineup, sponsored by Budweiser and Snapple

• “Ribbi” (SP?) Alyce as catcher
• Jonathan as pitcher and sulker in center right field
• “Hobnobber” Raible at first base
• “I ♥ Republicans” Tamara at second
• Henry “the Closer” Riviera as shortstop and closing pitcher
• Coach Jamie at third
• Daddy Matt in left field
• “Trying to make things happen” Capone in center field
• Joaquin in right center, shortstop and left field
• “Redbird” Amy as right field
• Adam as DH and play-by-play announcer
• Wonderful Whipit as backup first base
• Betsy as backup second base
• Jeff as backup shortstop

The Game

It was a cloudy day.  After our game had been canceled on Friday, Tamara scrambled to get players for a Monday make-up game.  She originally had 5 players, but somehow, she was able to gather a full team.  Yet, everything was out of place.  We were playing across the street on the baseball field, we had a brand new umpire, and we were playing on a Monday without the week to get pumped up to play.  Things were bound to be a little off.

When we finally started the game, Anchors only had 2 women, and they continued to play with 8 guys until the fourth inning.  We wanted them to start with one out per inning, but it didn’t happen.  We also questioned whether their big player Alex was really on the roster, especially after watching him taking baseball batting practice.  We had never seen him before, but they assured us he had played every game.  Fishy?

Disputes were going to be part of the game.  In the very first inning, Blue gave Anchors a run by giving one of their runners two bases on an overthrow to first.   After we disputed the call, it seemed like Blue cut my strike zone in half.  You always need to keep Blue on your side.   The next inning was just as tough as Blue would not call a strike above the knees and allowed Anchors to crouch during a pitch to shrink their strike zones.  Isn’t this bar league softball?  Jamie even spoke to Blue and told him to increase the strike zone because nobody should be looking for a walk.  By then. however,, my confidence was shaken and my pitching was off to say the least. 

Who was this team?  It was not B61.  We couldn’t get a hit, made lots of errors, I walked lots of batters, and by middle of the 5^th inning, it was 11-0.  1 more run, and it would be a slaughter.  It didn’t help that Tamara, Raible and Matt all had to leave.  Tamara and Raible went to a fundraising dinner for President Bush.  What else could have been so important that they would leave in the middle of a game?  Matt got a call out in left field that Cooper was freaking out at the bookstore, so Pops was in the truck to go save the day.  Jeff, Whipit and Betsy came in, and Coach correctly sent me out to center right field to sulk about my bad pitching, and brought in Henry as our closer. 

In the bottom of the 5^th, Henry hit a bomb of a sacrifice fly to allow Betsy to tag up and score out first run.  11-1 going into the 6^th inning?  This was crazy. 

Time for a new team and a new game.  Anchors brought in a new pitcher, and this may have been enough to transform ourselves.  Their pitcher started walking our batters, and we were ready to wake up and take full advantage of it.  Bam!  Hit!  Walk.  We were rocking.  Before the Anchors realized what was happening, B61 was back with 11-9.  They wanted to put their first pitcher back into the game, but Blue wouldn’t let them. Once the player comes out, he can’t go back in.

Anchors’s big guy Alex scored a solo homerun, but we shut down the rest of the team.  12-9 going into the last inning.  Could we do it?  We certainly were going to try.  A couple of walks and base hits by Betsy? and Capone?, and we had runners in scoring position with two outs.  Whipit gets a key base hit out to short center to drive in a run and put runners on first and second.  12-10.  I come to the plate, still pissed about my pitching.  I channel that anger into that poor ball for a line drive out to right field.  It’s a double.  Now, it’s 12-11.  Whipit’s on third base as the tying run, and I’m on second, the winning run.  Two outs, bottom of the 7^th.

Henry comes to the plate.  This is a good situation to us.  Not only did he play great shortstop and pitch well, he’s a great hitter.  The pitcher deals the first pitch, and it bounces on the plate.  Ball 1.  The next pitch is at the right height, but inside.  As I’m watching from second base, the pitcher gets upset and disputes the call.   Not agreeing with Blue’s strike zone?  “Feel my pain!” I yell.  If Henry walks, Amy walks too, and we automatically tie the game.  Henry lets one go by, a strike.  2-1.  The next pitch is a blooping foul ball off the edge of the bat.  Obviously, our Jedi powers were not working because the first baseman catches it despite our wishes for him to drop it.  So close.  What a comeback it would have been.

Memorable Moments

• The kids in the other dugout heckling us.   “We want a pitcher, not a belly itcher.  We want a batter, not a broken ladder.”
• Adam being so focused at the plate that he didn’t notice the fence-banging ape imitation
• Anchor’s woman with the waist-length hair who played so well.  Such an improvement from last year.
• Henry getting his first strikeout of the season.  Don’t think I didn’t notice!
• Jeff stopping a ball that got behind him at shortstop and making the throw to Betsy for the out

Player of the Game

Player of the game goes to Whipit.  Whipit gets in the game, and things happen.  He guarded first base to make some key outs and got the hits to bring us back into position.  Let’s not forget that he was the tying run on third base.  Back at the bar when I commented on how well he was hitting, he modestly replied, “Yeah, I’m not doing badly.”  Jeez, he’s rocking the ball.

Don’t Call It a Comeback

Ok, here’s the situation.  Kate went to an open bar at the Soho Grand, a swanky hotel.  She had a couple of drinks and went into the bathroom with her friend.  Apparently, someone had played a deuce, and they were joking about how much it stank in the bathroom.  Kate’s friend went into the only open stall, and while Kate was waiting, a woman came out of another stall, and the conversation went something like this:

Woman: “You are so low class.”

Kate, taken aback and not at first realizing that the woman was talking to her: “At least I’m not wearing sneakers.”

Woman: “You have tattoos and are obviously uneducated.”

Kate: “Oh, I’m educated.”

Woman:  “And, you’re drunk.”

After which, the woman walked out of the bathroom without washing her hands.  So, the question is, what should Kate have said as a comeback?

Web Site

You can see all of the writeups at http://www.czarsolutions.com/softball/